Beliefs of a Perfect Recovery: Why Having Them is Hurting You

Let go.

Image Credit: Let Go by Hi It’s Poorva

Written by: Tayla Anne

I had anorexia and throughout my whole recovery I had never really understood just what the word actually meant. Recovery. How do you know when you’ve gotten there?

For me, it’s not so much about “getting” somewhere, but rather it’s more about continually learning and changing in order to find your true self.

I was diagnosed with anorexia when I was twelve and today, instead of saying I’m recovered I’d rather tell people that I’m at peace. At peace with myself and who I am who I am as a person and who I am as a survivor. I say this because everyone is going to have bad days. No one ever is going to feel one hundred percent perfect or “better”.

I believe this type of thinking can actually hinder your progress in recovery because it gives you a fake and impossible ideal of how recovery is supposed to be like or go. When you drop the idea that being healed will be a perfect thing, you can really start to make strides.

In my own recovery when I was able to let go of the perfect expectations of thinking I had to have-it-all-together in order to find freedom, I made the most progress. I listened to my inner voice and did what I needed to do for me and didn’t get down on myself when something went “wrong” or I had a bad day.

It’s easy to get caught up in the thought that you have to be perfect after finding freedom, as people start to expect more from you, and the stories you read of others recovering sound amazing as if they are angles. It’s a lie. Because no one is perfect so even those people still have days where they’re Ed’s might chime in or even take over and guess what, that’s OKAY.

It’s okay to have a day where you fall back because how would you continue to learn? If all of a sudden your Ed disappeared and you were perfect, how would you continue to become a better person? Because after all that is what Ed’s are for, to make you a better person from the inside out.

In my journey, after I started really healing and let go of my need for Ed, I was still far from perfect. I had other issues to work on, anxiety and depression were next, but without Ed to haunt me, it was easier to do this. But this isn’t to say that there are still those days when Ed sneaks up on me and gets in my head, because those days exist and I’ll be the first to admit it.

Days where I look in the mirror and just hate what I see or days when I can’t even fathom eating food because I feel as if I don’t deserve it, they’re real, and yet, here I am still waking up and having days where I do look in the mirror and love what I see, love everything about myself. Days when I feel on top of the world, where I am strong and Ed could never hurt me. That’s why recovery is worth it. For these days. The incredible days where you are so glad you are alive and living life.

So I dare you to start letting go of the ideals you have about your own recovery and how what it means to be “cured”. What are the lies you have been believing? And sometimes, these lies come from Ed himself, trying to deter you from actually thinking you can recover. Write them down, think on them, question them, and let go of them so you can start to be free on your own terms.

Bio: Tayla Anne is a writer, artist and fitness enthusiast.

After finding freedom from an eight year battle with anorexia, she now writes about her experiences, self love, acceptance, and how you too, can break free from your own eating disorder. Follow her blog, She’ll Be Free for more inspirational posts and ideas.

 

One Response to Beliefs of a Perfect Recovery: Why Having Them is Hurting You
  1. Mid-Week Balance: 20 February 2013
    February 20, 2013 | 6:52 am

    […] one.  She talks about her own recovery from anorexia, but I really appreciate her point that recovery of all types is a journey and a process–not something that you achieve perfection […]

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